it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
