Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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