I cockslap morals
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
