Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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