Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
