i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
