So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
