you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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