she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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