Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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