Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
