a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
