Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
