there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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