I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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