Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
