Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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