Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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