Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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