I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish you could order shots online.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
