Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
