my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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