he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
