YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
