he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
