he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
