definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
