He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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