On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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