she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i drank out of a bidet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize