it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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