remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
