I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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