She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
