as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
