We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
