The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
