i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
