Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
