Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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