I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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