David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
