remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he thought i was a dude.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
