Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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