Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
