Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
