i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want her autograph on my taint
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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