Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
