my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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