Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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