Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
