I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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