I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize