i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize