Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
