Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
