so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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