I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
