is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
