Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
