I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
