Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize