I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
