I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
