Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
