you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
