a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
