i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
