after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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