i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
