Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
